Frustration, anger, sadness and especially a temporary loss of self-confidence are all feelings you are likely to experience when you don’t succeed at doing something.
Indeed, it is natural that once you have experienced failure several times, the lasting memory of those intense feelings might be so strong that it prevents you from trying ever again.
You know what they say, “once bitten, twice shy”.
The problem is that when you fear failure, you don’t dare to take risks, you don’t try out new things, and you end up not daring to do anything new.
The truth is that when you fear failure, you just miss opportunities.
These include opportunities to learn, to grow, and to build your self-confidence.
You simply miss the opportunity to feel happier and more fulfilled.
In this article, I want to share with you useful tips that will help you to overcome failure next time things don’t quite go according to the original plan.
1. Treat Yourself as You Would Treat Your Best Friend!
Put yourself in the following situation: let’s say your friend applied for his dream school but he didn’t get in.
What would you tell him?
Most likely you would not tell him that he is worthless and that he deserves it!
On the contrary, you would most likely try to cheer him up, tell him it’s OK and that it’s not the end of the world.
After that, you would maybe take him out for a nice dinner.
Well, next time things don’t according to the original plan, treat yourself the same way!
When you experience failure, it’s really easy to feel that you are not worthy.
You are probably going through a lot of emotions, it being shame or frustration, and the last thing to do is to beat yourself up.
Don’t be so harsh on yourself and instead pamper yourself!
Don’t fall into the trap of self-negative talk.
Rather, try talking to yourself in a supportive and kind way.
Have a date with yourself and do something that is going to cheer you up.
Go to the movies, indulge in your favorite meal, have a bath.
When you practice self-care you will notice that it will brighten your mood and you will quickly regain your motivation and start feeling positive again.
2. Change Your Perspective
Instead of seeing the fact you didn’t succeed as something negative, switch your perspective and try to see it as a neutral thing.
In order to do this, begin by admitting that not everything you do can succeed and that is allright.
See, our daily life is filled with little failures: the pasta sauce you just spoilt, the bus you couldn’t catch on time, that exam you failed at a couple of years ago.
Of course, there are bigger and smaller failures that have more or less impact on our lives.
The point is that we should accept that not everything can succeed in life, and understand that being a perfectionist can also have a negative impact.
Instead of seeing the outcome of the event as irrevocable, something that is set in stone for the whole rest of your life, change your perspective and see it as something you have just not succeeded at yet.
It doesn’t mean that you will never succeed at it, maybe the timing was just not right?
Still, let’s use the same example of applying for a dream school. If you haven’t been accepted, instead of thinking you have failed to get in, just tell yourself that you have been accepted this year.
The implication is that this is not something you will always fail at, which opens opportunities for you to succeed later in the future.
Instead of thinking you failed at something, just see it as though things didn’t go according to the original plan.
3. Accept Your Emotions by allowing Yourself to Experience Them
Instead of trying to reject your emotions, just accept and experience them.
Take time to go through them, to feel them. Let these emotions affect you.
Allow yourself to feel.
It’s OK, we are all humans and we have feelings. Don’t ignore them.
Disappointment, frustration, anger, sadness, shame… identify the emotions you are filled with and take time to face, acknowledge and process them.
Piling up and accumulating feelings is never healthy and the reaction might be 10 times worse once you have bottled them up for too long.
A good way to process and let your emotions out is journaling.
It is personally my favorite way. When I journal my emotions, I feel as though writing them down on paper kinda makes them move away from me.
It’s a bit like I am taking all those negative feelings out of me to lay them down on paper, and after a few journaling sessions they are gone.
In addition to releasing your feelings, you will also be able to see the situation with some distance when you lay down your emotions on paper.
Process your emotions with whatever way works for you: it can be journaling, expressing them through an artistic activity such as painting, music or dancing.
Some might also find that sport is a powerful way to release and unleash their frustration.
And of course, talking with someone you trust can always help express those emotions and help you to move on.
The advantage of communicating your feelings and situation with someone else is that the other person can help you see the situation from another perspective.
Like with journaling, it can help you look at the situation from a bit more distance.
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4. Be Always Prepared and Have a Plan B
In case things do not go according to your original plan, you should always be prepared and have a plan B, just in case.
It is not about being pessimistic and believing you will fail, but being prepared for the “worst case scenario”.
This will help you move on and jump onto new projects more quickly.
Have a plan B so you know immediately how to react.
Have a plan B so you don’t feel lost, helpless and unable to think about what to do next.
Still using the example of not getting in to your dream school, here is how you could prepare yourself for the outcome.
Plan A: you got in. Congratulate yourself and celebrate!
Plan B: You didn’t get in this time. You feel disappointed, but you are able to move on because you planned to apply for a course that will help get you prepared for the exam next time the application period comes around. See?
You can even literally write down your plan B on paper so you know exactly which steps to take.
Having two roads will help you move on and to act instead of being stuck in the same place and with the same thoughts.
However, before moving on don’t forget the essential step of processing and accepting your feelings and emotions.
5. Failure Does NOT Define Who You Are
Remember that failing at something does not mean YOU are a failure yourself.
Do not let that experience define who you are.
Maybe that unsuccessful experience leads you to think that you are not worthy, that you cannot succeed at anything anyway, that you suck.
You are not surprised you failed because you suck anyway, you don’t even understand why you ever tried?
You even wonder why you could even think of succeeding. That is, unfortunately, the kind of negative self-talk you might experience after failing at something.
Well, first of all, failure DOES NOT define you. It doesn’t mean that you are a failure.
We simply cannot succeed every time we try to do something.
Many famous people failed countless times before starting to be successful.
Failing is not a permanent state and failing once doesn’t mean you will keep on failing every time you try to do something.
In fact, the more you try to do something, the more chances you give yourself to succeed.
Second of all, you have certainly succeeded more than once in the past.
Remind yourself of all these successes, big and small, and write them down on paper.
Take some distance and just see that time you didn’t succeed as a black spot in the blue sky. Do not let that failure define who you are.
6. Feel Proud of Yourself!
Feel proud of yourself!
Yep!
Feel proud that you have tried.
That you have dared to try.
Failing at something means you have at least made an attempt and gave your best to achieve something, which is not something you should underestimate.
Because they are scared of failing, many people fall into the trap of inaction.
They end up doing nothing, least of all chasing their dreams.
While never trying anything puts them in a comfortable situation of a guaranteed non-failure, it will simultaneously prevent them from reaching opportunities to succeed.
So don’t let failure have a negative impact on your self-esteem.
Take the opportunity to improve your self-esteem and confidence because you have tried and dared to go for it.
And always keep in mind that trying and failing is the only way to success, so keep going!
Was this helpful? Which one was your favorite tip? Leave it in the comment section below!
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Welcome! Nice to meet you!
Hi, I’m Marine! Because of a lack of self-confidence, I used to think that a happy life was a privilege reserved only for others and that I didn’t deserve it myself. I was letting others step on me, to disrespect me and to decide for me. I was simply missing out on my own life without even realizing it… Until one day, I woke up and I decided it was enough. Becoming more self-confident transformed my life as I finally dared to stand for who I truly am. Today, my goal is to help you become more self-confident so that you can achieve your true potential and feel more fulfilled! Let me support you on this life-changing journey! Are you in? 🙂
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