Maybe it’s time to kick out some bad habits?

Scrolling through social media, accepting another task at work, helping out a fellow colleague, striving for perfectionism…

In the first glance these do not appear to be typical things that could kill your self-esteem… and yet, once such things have become part of your daily life, they can truly have a negative impact on your self-esteem.

In fact, our habits, even the small and subconscious ones directly affect the way we feel about ourselves.

In this article, I share with you the top self-esteem killers and the step by step ways of how you can break those harmful habits for good, so keep reading!

1. Talking Bad About Yourself

The way you talk to yourself can boost or kill your self-esteem, so pay very close attention to that one my friend!

It’s really not a factor to be underestimated.

> Talking bad of your body

“I’ve gained weight, I’m just too fat.” “Look at that pimple on my face, I’m really ugly.”

Any kind of negative comments you tell yourself about your body and the way you look are real self-esteem killers.

Beyond weakening your self-esteem, they can be really harmful in the long run, causing anxiety and depression.

Accept your body as it is. Believe me, it’s beautiful as it is.

Why?

Because it’s your own body, because it’s unique.

Your facial features are unique. No one can steal them from you, so be proud and own them!

> Being harsh with yourself

Beating yourself up, blaming yourself, criticizing yourself, constantly putting yourself down

Do I need to explain more why discouraging words can seriously weaken your self-esteem, especially when those words come from yourself?

Who will support you if you can’t encourage yourself?

Who will believe in you if you don’t have faith in yourself?

Plus, constantly being negative and using demeaning words naturally puts you in the negative mindset, inevitably resulting in a self-fulfilling prophecy…

You tell yourself you can’t make it, so you don’t dare to do things. Because you don’t dare to do things, you obviously don’t go for things.

Inaction has concrete consequences such as not giving yourself the opportunity to succeed. Consequently, you don’t do anything so you can’t’ succeed.

It just makes you feel bad.

But my friend, you really need those positive vibes to have high self-esteem!

You need to have those positive feelings and that good energy for your self-esteem to skyrocket.

So instead of constantly bringing yourself down, try to be your own supporter.

Be your own cheerleader!

Here are a few ways you can talk to yourself with more compassion:

• Speak to yourself in an encouraging way, as you would to your best friend
• Use uplifting words
• Write positive affirmations to yourself
• Silence negative-talk

In this article, I share with you the best tips you can use to stop negative thoughts and silence your inner critic for good! Read now.

2. Procrastinating

Imagine: you just missed an important deadline at work.

On the following day, you have to go back to work.

How would you feel when you’d enter the office?

Would you walk proudly, feeling overly confident? Most likely not.

Then a couple of minutes after you’d meet your boss and he’d start to scold you for missing that headline.

And then you’d discover the serious consequences of not having completed the task on time.

Wow just thinking about that situation actually makes my self-esteem level go really down!

As you can see, procrastinating can truly hurt your self-esteem, especially when it has become a habit.

When you procrastinate, you feel overwhelmed.

You feel like you’re losing control over time, and over your life.

It makes you feel like you’re lagging behind.

Procrastinating weakens your self-esteem because it encompasses true self-esteem killers:

• A sense of failure
• A sense of unfulfillment
• Questioning your abilities to get things done
• Self-blaming
• Feeling insecure

Every time I miss a deadline, I really feel like I failed.

I remember that when I was at school, every time I missed a deadline I was so frustrated with myself because although I failed at submitting my assignment, I still knew deep down that my assignment was good and I could have gotten a good grade.

Sparing myself the opportunity to get a good grade was so frustrating.

I got a zero not because I didn’t know how to do the assignment, but just because I lacked the ability to meet deadlines. Can you relate? It’s so frustrating!

How can you start procrastinating less?

In order to start procrastinating less, I suggest you start to write a to-do list from now on.

What? another list? Again? Yes, I know but writing things down can be such a great help!

Writing things down ensures first of all that you’re not going to forget the tasks you’re supposed to do.

Let’s be honest here.

Many times we happen to miss deadlines not because we had been procrastinating for days, but rather because we forgot about the task and consequently missed the deadlines that came with it.

You heard the task, mentally noted the due date but then life happens.

And that deadline just slipped your mind, obviously giving yourself no chance to complete the task on time!

I suggest that you start to implement the following habit in your daily life:

1. Every evening, write your to-do list for the following day
2. Do your tasks first things in the morning if you can

Usually, most of the tasks we procrastinate can be done in the morning (and even at home). For example, booking an appointment, paying a bill online, etc.

Just get into the habit of getting things down instead of leaving them hanging! Just start with the smallest things and don’t wait until the very last minute.

3. Perfectionism

Contrary to what one might think, perfectionism doesn’t help you achieve your goals.

On the contrary, setting too high expectations for yourself very often leads to failure.

Perfectionism almost always leaves you with a feeling of dissatisfaction and failure.

When you strive for perfection, you always beat yourself up for not trying hard enough, always pushing your limits further.

As a result, you end up never being proud of yourself and you always feel like you have failed.

When you’re a perfectionist, you basically can never reach that place where you are satisfied with your work and with yourself.

How good is that for your self-esteem? Well, not too good!

In essence, perfectionism amounts to telling yourself that you’re never done.

You tell yourself that there’s always room for more, that you can always put in more long hours on your project.

It’s like it’s always there on the back of your mind, and you never get that great feeling that it’s finally done.

Now, let me ask you a question.

When you strive for perfection, do you actually know how your “perfect” work would look like?

Do you actually know what you’re striving for?

Usually, we don’t even have an idea about how our “perfect” work would look like…

We think it’s not good enough just because we are too harsh with ourselves.

Just because we don’t trust ourselves.

Therefore, we end up putting ourselves under pressure, repeatedly telling ourselves we can always do more and better.

How can you set the bar less high for yourself?

My friend I will tell you just a simple sentence to remember, yet very powerful:

Better be done than perfect.

Hitting that submit button is more effective than spending more unproductive hours on your assignment.

Yes, that’s the only way to go on and progress.

When you’re done with something, you can always go back to it and modify it later if you really feel like it’s necessary.

But the starting point is to be done.

If you happened to have made mistakes, it’s fine, you can always learn from them.

Otherwise, do your best and getting the thing done is a goal in itself.

You can then get it off your mind and finally focus on something else.

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4. Constantly Comparing Yourself to Others

I know that being tempted to compare yourself to others is very intense these days, especially because of social media.

All day long, we are fed with images of other people’s life. Every day, we witness how others’ lives are “amazing”, and how our life “sucks” in comparison.

Every time you go on social media, it’s one more occasion for comparison and to tell yourself that you’re inferior.

You go on Facebook, you see a picture of your “friend” (whom by the way you barely know the name and you certainly don’t remember how you ended up being friends on Facebook) and you start to tell yourself:

“She has such a great life.”

“She does so many things.”

“She is so successful.”

“She has so many friends.”

“She goes out a lot.”

“She always goes on vacation to dream places.”

“She goes to fancy places.”

“She has a great job.”

“She looks amazing.”

“She makes tons of money.”

Well, you get the idea!

Apart from the fact all of those things are probably fake representations of reality, they especially go against all the principles of self-esteem.

Why?

Because genuine self-esteem comes from the fact that you know your worth.

It’s when you know there’s no reason to think that someone else is better than you. It comes from the fact that you know you’re enough.

It’s not about comparing yourself to others and feeling inferior.

It’s just about accepting that we are all different.

Indeed, we all are simply different. We have different life experience and different skill sets. We are all at a different point in our life journey.

But it doesn’t mean that someone is better than others.

It doesn’t mean that someone is inferior.

Sure, that person in your newsfeed might have many friends, but does it mean that your own friend circle is terrible?

You might have fewer friends, so what? Does it make you less of a person! Absolutely NOT!

5. Constantly Saying “Yes” to Everything

Saying yes to everything and trying to please people all the time kills your self-esteem because it prevents you from asserting yourself.

When you try to please everyone all the time, you basically don’t assert yourself.

You don’t fully accept your choices.

You don’t fully live with what you really want.

In other words, you don’t dare to be yourself.

You don’t dare to stand for who you truly are, for what you truly want.

Try the think about the reasons why you’d always say yes and try to please others?

Is it because what they request you to do is something you really wish to do, that you would do anyway?

Or do you do because you’re afraid of what others will think about you if you refuse?

Is it because you’re afraid that they will think less if you say “no”?

Do you do it because you have a constant need to prove your worth?

Because you have a continuous need for validation?

Or maybe you accept everything because you’re afraid of being alone? Left behind? Rejected?

The real risk of constantly pleasing others is that you could end up living a life that is not yours.  A life built on decisions others make for you.

If you let others decide for you, you indirectly allow them to decide on your life’s direction.

I believe that self-esteem comes from asserting your own true self.

You have high self-esteem when you dare to be the wonderful, unique person that you are deep down. And this is done by:

• Daring to say no
• Not constantly trying to please other people
• Putting your needs first

Next time, try to really think about it and the reason why you’d accept another task. Is it to please others or is it because it’s actually something you’re yourself really excited about?

If it’s the latter, great go for it!

If it’s former, dare to stand for yourself. It’s OK to refuse!

6. Putting Others’ Needs Before Your Own

This point is very much related to the previous one.

Being your own unique self is possible when you put yourself first.

It’s possible to be 100% yourself when you do things because you truly want to do them. Not to please someone else. Not to fit in.

I completely agree that it’s important to be a good and loyal friend, to be there when your friends need you.

However, it becomes unhealthy when you constantly put others before yourself.

Imagine the following situation:

Let’s say you are very tired or you need to get a bit more work done at home, finish an assignment etc. one of your friends suddenly calls you to go out.

How would you react? What would you answer?

I know your friend might need to see you, but please don’t you forget you actually need to rest.

Don’t forget that you absolutely have to complete that assignment.

In other words, don’t forget to put your needs first.

Does this make you selfish? Absolutely not. Don’t feel guilty, don’t blame yourself for making yourself a priority.

It’s perfectly honorable. It just shows that you love and care about yourself enough.

If you don’t do it for yourself, who will do it for you?

Remember this my friend: you can be busy because you have plans with yourself.

Being home alone doesn’t mean you’re necessarily available to meet up with others.

Think of yourself first and put your own need first.

As I already mentioned it in the previous point, this also comes down to not constantly saying yes and not trying to please others all the time.

When you constantly put others’ needs first, you support them and you make them happy.

They most likely feel better and get more energy after meeting you, just because you tended to their needs.

But what about you?

Have you thought about it? You can have the exact same positive impact on yourself by just behaving the same way with yourself.

How can you put your own needs first?

> Don’t forget to make time for yourself

Always put your needs first, and more generally, it’s important to make time for yourself on a regular basis.

In order not to forget to cater for your own needs and not to lose track of your needs, I highly recommend that you book in your own schedule your Me-time every week.

Take this Me-time seriously and treat it like any other appointment you can’t miss!

Stick to it, don’t postpone it, don’t cancel it. You have a date with yourself, and you really wouldn’t want to miss this!

The point to recognize is that you have taken time for yourself and that you’re putting yourself first for once.

Treat yourself as you would treat your best friend.

The types of activities you can do during that Me-time really depend on people.

The most important is that you do activities that make you feel good and can possibly relax your mind.

The point is to feel recharged and positive after that precious Me-time.

Mediating, pampering yourself, having a nice bath, exercising, listen to music, coloring, reading your favorite book…you name it!

7. Dwelling on Your Negative Experiences of the Past

Ruminating over the past is a true self-esteem killer.

When you focus on the things that went wrong, you jeopardize your self-esteem because you constantly remind yourself of the times when you didn’t succeed and when things didn’t go your way.

How can this possibly make you feel good about yourself or make you feel confident about your abilities?

Living in regrets, constantly thinking “If only I had done things differently”, “If only I had taken that decision” gives no room for your self-esteem to grow, on top of it making you feel bitter!

How can you anchor more in the present moment?

Live here and now! Think here and now!

Enjoy the present moment.

Focus on your current surroundings. Focus on the people you’re currently spending time with. Focus on your current projects.

Focusing on the present moment does not only increase your self-esteem, but it also makes you feel happier.

Conclusion

Some bad habits such as procrastinating and constantly putting others’ needs first can truly kill your self-esteem on a daily basis.

However, when you identify those habits and consciously decide to break them, you give yourself the best chances to increase your self-esteem effortlessly!

Was this useful? What is the habit that kills your own self-esteem the most? And what do you plan to do about it? Let me know in the comment section below!

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